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Give to me sweet sacred bliss! |
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| About this Journal | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| This journal is pretty random. It ranges from venting to looking for support to talking about kinky sex. Enjoy :-D | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dec. 23rd, 2008 @ 02:47 pm (no subject) | |||
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| Enter the drawing for the Kinky Christmas Stockings on fetlife! For more info, go here: http://fetlife.com/kinky_christmas_stock | |||
| Nov. 5th, 2008 @ 07:09 am (no subject) | |||
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| anyone know what happened with prop k? | |||
| Apr. 12th, 2008 @ 01:51 pm (no subject) | |||
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| stolen from march_hare_girl What is your name? gentleindiff 2. A 4 letter word: cunt 3. A vehicle: ford bronco 4. A city: Chicago 5. A boy's name: Michael 6. A girl's name: Lola 7. Alcoholic drink: Something fruity and delicious 8. An occupation: scientist 9. Something you wear: a bright-colored bra 10. A celebrity: Justine Joli :-P 11. A food: canolis 12. Something found in a bathroom: toilet paper? 13. Reason for being late: lack of cohesive mental state 14. Something you shout: fuck 15. An animal: kitty 16. A body part: cunt 17. Word to describe yourself: lost | |||
| Mar. 12th, 2008 @ 12:09 pm tehe from xjenavivex | |||
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| Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post (most likely a COMMENT) about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on yaoi, favorite type of underwear, graphic techniques, etc. Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other. | |||
| Mar. 3rd, 2008 @ 11:13 am (no subject) | |||
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| http://xkcd.com/77/ tehe | |||
| Jan. 20th, 2008 @ 05:19 pm (no subject) | |||
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1. Grab the nearest book. 2. Open the book to page 123. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions. 5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you. "However, no one knew quite why it did this because it invariably delivered a cupful of liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea." ~The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams | |||
| Jan. 10th, 2008 @ 02:13 pm Insight into the life of ME! :-P | |||
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1. Leave me a casual comment of no particular significance, like a lyric to your favorite song. If you want to ask me five, go ahead and ask them in the comment. 2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better. 3. Update your LJ with the answers to these questions. 4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in your own post. 5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions. From xjenavivex Here are her questions and my answers: 1. do you like to fly? do you enjoy long trips? I love flying. It's so much quicker and more efficient. I also love the feeling in your gut during a shaky landing (yes, I'm weird). I would love a long trip with the right person, and hate any trip without him. I hate long family trips, but would love a long relaxing trips with my friends or my boyfriend. 2. will you share more of your poetry with me? Whenever I'm in a place where I need to write poetry, I will most certainly post in on LJ. I've only written a few poems ever. If I don't write any for awhile, consider it a sign that I'm in a good place emotionally :-D 3. how did you get into physics? This is actually quite a fun story, although rather long. Junior year of high school, I had the most remarkable teacher. He was my honors physics teacher, a class I automatically took for college applications and to have another science class. His name is Mike Kennedy and he is an amazing person. He had a terrible childhood (povery, alcoholic father who beat the shit out of him, plus prone to depression, waaaay too smart for his own good, etc...) but he said barely any of this out loud. He informed us in a way that if you were intuitive, deep, etc... you would pick up on it, but he didn't like lean on us or vent to us or anything (spoke in riddles, if you will). He became my person to go to through junior year and senior year when I took his AP Physics class. He knows more about me without me telling him than I can even comprehend. Senior year, he looked really stressed out and I asked if I could help and became the manager for his track team. Through that, I met his wife and his kids and got really close with his entire family. (Unfortunately, this started quite a few rumors throughout the school :( but I swear our entire relationship was entirely legit. He has become quite the father figure.) Over the summer, I joined his women's running club and became running partners with his wife. That running club was the reason I ate that summer. Once I got to college, I planned to be a biochemistry major. I loved my bio and chem classes in the past, and I figured that the reason I loved my physics classes were because of Kennedy (I can't call him Mike b/c that's my Master's name and it really freaks me out that they have the same name...). I went to open house at the Physics department and realized I wished I was taking the physics course designed for people that got a 5 in AP Physics, so they made an exception and let me in. Over the first semester of my freshman year, through the combined efforts of a ridiculous chemistry department that is concerned more in failing premeds than teaching, a boring biology class (one of many) that made me realize how retarded biology is and that I only loved it previously because of the teachers, and a phenomenal introductory physics class in a tight-knit physics department, I promptly switched majors. So that's the story :-P Yeah, it's long, but it's phenomenal. 4. i know you like quotes. i have a huge collection of my own. what are some of your favorites? Oh dear, I could waste so much of your time with all my quotes :-D I'll put my favorites up though: "Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation." Richard Feynman (best physicist EVERRRRRRR RIP) "Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it." Richard Feynman "We might also call vertigo the intoxication of the weak. Aware of his weakness, a man decides to give in rather than stand up to it. He is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down." ~Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being (2nd favorite book ever! first: house of leaves by Mark z. Danielewski. omfg so good. 3rd? the bell jar by sylvia plath and white oleander by Janet Fitch and the portrait of the artist as a young man are tied.) "She knew that she had become a burden to him: she took things too seriously, turning everything into a tragedy, and failed to grasp the lightness and amusing insignificance of physical love. How she wished she could learn lightness! She yearned for someone to help her out of her anachronistic shell....But by making it important and serious, she deprived it of its lightness, and it became forced, labored, overdone." ~ Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being "And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too." ~James Joyce - Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man "I conquered Thebes" ~Gerry (favorite movie EVERRRR! It seems boring {1 1/2 hrs with maybe 3 pages of dialogue...} but if you're up for it it is SOOOOO worth it!) "...it's like black history month, but better!" ~ Mike (when we termed the week I get my period Blowjob Week :-D I love my Master). "Doctors are sadists who like to play god and watch lesser people suffer" ~Juno (amazing movie you should see!!!) 5. what have you not tried in the lifestyle that you wish to? There are so many things. Let's see. I want to go to dungeon/bdsm clubs. I'm not that into leather or latex though, but it would be fun watching others and being watched :-D I want to have threesomes of several sorts. 1) I want to have another (or a few...) Doms so all my holes can be filled ;) 2) I want a Domme female who will fuck me while I suck off my Master, who will force me to eat her pussy, etc... because I want to experiment with girls and I know it would please my Master. :-D 3) I want to have one with a female sub, either with us both serving my Master, or me getting to have a little fun dominating her :-D I want to be hit in every way imaginable, by every object imaginable, for hours on end. I want my Master to cut me. I want to be able to take my Master's cock so deep that I can lick his balls while giving him head. I want to be forced to be a true slave (currently the Ms names are more for the turn on than an actuality). Not 24/7 but for a day or two, completely serving Him. I want to go to one of those intensive weekends where you learn how to serve and be a good sub (there's on that masterfiremaam was talking about, but it's during my finals :( ). I think it would give me a lot of opportunities to grow and serve better. I want to do water bondage, and let my Master hold me under water while I freak out. I want to try so much more rope bondage, including suspension. I want to wear a bondage harness under my clothes to class/work. I want to use a spreader bar :-D I want to do electrostim. I want to use those contact lenses that are invisible to anyone looking but actually block all light (so my eyes look normal to my Master but I can't see a thing). I want to play around with more sensory deprivation :-D Shit, I need to stop naming things or I'm going to go against Master's orders and masturbate today. I'm not allowed to until I see him Saturday and it was already hard enough without naming all these lovely things I'd like to try ;) Oh how I love a challenge :-D Well this made for quite a fun entry! I hope you all comment so I can ask you all questions as well :-P | |||
| Nov. 21st, 2007 @ 12:06 pm Happy Thanksgiving? | |||
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| My uncle died last night. My aunt came home to find him dead on the couch. the autopsy is today but we suspect it's a heart attack; he had a strong family history despite never having heart problems himself. He was fit and ate healthy. He was a volunteer firefighter. He and my aunt lived in the middle of the country (like the forest and open spaces kinda country, not the united states). Their house is in the middle of nowhere and it's my favorite place to be. They have a horse and keep a shed open to wild cats so they have somewhere warm to stay in the winter. They even get the wild cats vaccinations and help them get well if they're sick or heal if they're injured. They also have a great dane who is huge and only a few years old. We didn't see them very often; they chose to keep to themselves and I have such a huge respect for that. It takes a lot to say no to family pressure, especially over holidays. They were going to come for this thanksgiving, and I was so excited for Mike to meet them. Especially my uncle. He is like a big kid, always joking around and playing with us kids. My fondest memories of him are when we would visit and he taught me how to play mortal combat. We weren't very close though. Like I said, we hardly ever saw them. I'm terribly worried about my aunt. She's all alone out there now, and I don't know how she's going to take it. My mema is staying with her for a few days. Her and my aunt have always been extremely close, considering my aunt is her only daughter and all. Plus, my mema lost my papa a little over 16 years back, so she has experience with losing a husband. The wake is saturday night and the funeral is sunday afternoon. mike agreed to stay with me for both which I really really appreciated. All of my dad's side of the family is coming to thanksgiving now, so he'll be able to meet my cousins and other aunt and uncle, which should be good. My aunt and uncle never had any kids, but I don't think they ever wanted to. They were young, late thirties at the most. I still don't think this has hit. | |||
| Jul. 15th, 2007 @ 11:33 pm (no subject) | |||
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| Here's the "rules": Each player starts with 7 random habits/facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged & list their names. 1. I secretely want bad things to happen to me so I can learn from the experience. 2. I'm always terrified of the future and think of worse case senarios to prepare myself. All it does is make me sad and anxious 24/7. 3. I wish my dad would be more proud of me, but more importantly I wish I had done something to be proud of. 4. It kills me that I ended that sentance with of, but I feel so pretentious correcting it. 5. Now that we're dating, I'm more terrified of you leaving me than ever. 6. I know I'm hurting myself, but I have no desire to fix it. 7. Sometimes I miss being depressed. I was so much deeper back then. Now I feel shallow and dumb. and I'm not gonna tag 7 ppl bc it takes effort and you should all JUST DO IT BC I SAY SO!!! | |||
| Jul. 5th, 2007 @ 11:32 pm (no subject) | |||
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| mkay so from now on, as long as I remember, I will be making this LJ friend's only. I absolutely ADORE random comments and meeting people by having this an open journal, but I don't feel like putting up with people's bullshit. feel free to post. I'll add you and such. | |||
| Jul. 5th, 2007 @ 10:10 am (no subject) | |||
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| gawd this week is going way too fast. i just got back from running. he's still sleeping. i need to shower then "accidentally" wake him up. :-P gawd this week has been wonderful. filled with sex and more sex (I came 15+ times the first day I was here, and I didn't even see him til the evening...) lots of marijuana and a bit of acid (oh fuck that shit tweaked me OUT like seriously man) as well as meeting a whole ton of his friends and such. good times, man. srsly. tehe he talks about me to his friends, i have found out. and when i sit by him he puts his arm around me and rubs my back or plays with my hair or rubs my neck the way i like. i'm about to cry just thinking about going home. god i miss him. | |||
| Jul. 4th, 2007 @ 01:37 am (no subject) | |||
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| i'm in boston. tehe. god i'm gonna miss him so much when i go home. bah less typing more snuggling. | |||
| Jun. 25th, 2007 @ 09:26 am (no subject) | |||
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| swim: 13:12 trans 1: 5:03 bike: 59:31 trans 2: 1:58 run: 38:14 total: 1:57:56 score :) | |||
| Jun. 25th, 2007 @ 07:39 am wrote this last night but the internet was out | |||
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| Boy is being such a fuckin’ sweetheart. He’s all proud of me for the triathalon. I’m proud of me too. He also convinced me to keep eating this week. I said I couldn’t’ stand my body and I wanted to just fix it, and he said he likes my body the way it is. :-D when he says things like that it makes me want to give all of this up, fix it all for him, so he’ll be proud. Tehe he likes my body and he misses me and he wants me there and he thinks we have great sex. I love hearing him say shit like this, rather than keep it all inside. :-D So this week I’m gonna eat healthy (around 1200 calories, but mainly just whenever hungry, whatever my body says is right) and exercise every day except tomorrow (to give myself a break from the triathalon). I’m gonna look at the YMCA schedule to see what free classes I can take, do some weight traning, and make sure to get in plenty of cardio. Maybe I can get to my goal (only 4 lbs away!!!) by Sunday!!! I know I could get there by restricting. But I told boy I would try my best to not restrict and do this the right way. So that’s what I’m gonna do damn it! | |||
| Jun. 22nd, 2007 @ 07:58 pm (no subject) | |||
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| "i want you to be here" god I miss him. I want to be there so badly. I acutally just wnat him here, holding me. I want him next to me, telling me that all this shit I'm stuffing into my body is for good farther down the line. i want him here | |||
| Jun. 21st, 2007 @ 01:59 am (no subject) | |||
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| oooo so i forgot to post. the other day boy was looking online at calorie restriction stuff and has decided that since he can't stop me from restricting, he just wants to make sure i keep myself healthy. this means i get enough protein, fiber, calcium, etc... to make sure that my body functions properly. how adorable is he?! and i had an epiphany yesterday, altho my actions didn't significantly change. I've been maintaining on junkfood, which means my metabolism is back :-D So if I eat healthy and exercise, the RIGHT way, then I can still lose weight!!!! Boy is ecstatic. | |||
| Jun. 20th, 2007 @ 01:54 am (no subject) | |||
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| i just realized he's been thinking about this shit intensely for the last month, trying to decide if we were gonna start you know having a relationship and such blah blah blah and this past month i've put him thru hell. i had numerous breakdowns, was lonley as fuck having all these panic attacks, and geniunely very hard to put up with. and he still wanted me :-D | |||
| Jun. 19th, 2007 @ 09:43 pm (no subject) | |||
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| omgz kourtney has a boyfriend lolz | |||
| Jun. 17th, 2007 @ 08:24 pm (no subject) | |||
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| I am writing this, waiting for boy to come back so he can decide if I get to cum. I'm not allowed to right now, and I won't be allowed to for awhile. I'm not even allowed to touch myself. I'm going a bit crazy. He has been telling me what to do for hours, making me hurt myself and pleasure myself and get so close to coming, but I'm not allowed to cum. I don't deserve to. Dirty whores don't deserve to cum. | |||
| Jun. 15th, 2007 @ 01:45 am (no subject) | |||
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| OMFG I want to be fucked. I am writing this entry out of pure, unadulterated sexual FRUSTRATION. I'm going to go insane. Boy has things planned for me and I want them NOW. All I want is to be pushed around, abused, degraded, and fucked mercilessly. Is that so much to ask? I can't wait to see him. He's gonna get SUCH a big hug when I get there. Then I'm gonna drag him to his room and fuck the shit out of him. I ordered new stuff (gag, collar, nipple clamps that connect to gag :) and a free gift with purchase of thai anal beads) and sent them to his house, so they'll be ready upon my arrival. I still need to buy a garter belt/garters. Dunking, rape fantasies, licking up cum, anal, begging, intense rope bondage, verbal degrading, punishment, new surprises that I don't know about. He has plans for me, and I'm excited. How many days til July?? | |||
thoughtful